Saturday, December 1, 2012

Lustful aur Lota



So apparently 20 year old lads want to know the girl’s name, 25 year old guys want to know who is her dad and 30 year old men want to know the mother-in-law… and the 45 year old uncles…. Well they just want attention!
While we live with an America, where good for nothing self-hired money boosters for the rich called hedge fund managers make billions, and, a Harvard economics Professor with a Nobel Prize, does not even make a 0.0001% of that!
While that happens there…. In Pakistan, apparently every open ended joke among lads ends with a metaphorical sausage revelation. And to the better end of that you never get to have an intellectual discussion with your mates. Shortcomings of locker-room talks!
We live in a dog eat dog world, and that’s why if your pedigree is top class and your ken is world class. You land as a better dog. To know whose who and whats what, your mamas chachas will take care of it. As for making it to the next level, you would have a bull dog reference to get the job. Competence comes second and connections come first, when you have a gold strap around the neck.
This Summer’s bye elections in NA-151 sort of depicted the real picture of democracy. Not that its too profound in this town but does not fail to represent its people. An election that was contested among ten candidates for the national assembly seat, the result was bitter sweet. 
While we are left flabbergasted … people who are more important – the Politicians, they are having fun. One year ago there was a surge of working politician to desert their own parties to ally themselves with a new immerging  Imran Khan. But this seemingly, revolutionary moral type casted tsunami tends to tide back to its cradle.
Imran Khan has become a nuisance for the PMLs and PPP. The ‘jiyaalas’ who previously were hell bent on sticking to their wings, right or left, as case may be, had been stuck in their party for no good. Previously if they were dictated and ignored in parent party, leaving them to be assembly back-benchers, retired politicians or outcast workers, PTI gave them a common ground to slightly bend their principles. Neither would they be a peoplaah nor would be ranted as leaguey, in so and so.
Finally!! now they can get a place of their significance. But not in PTI but the parent party! Well what happening is that now the Sharifs, Chaudaries and Zardaris are ‘compromising’ with them and requesting them for a comeback at the eve of the elections. Thus, leading to a desertion campaign within PTI.
Kiun kay subah ka bhula shaam ko wapis ah jaye tou ussay bhula nahi kehtay
Aur yeh..
Kiun kay lota humeysha lota hi rehta hai!!

Waisay... None of the leading Politicians from the City of Saints aur uss kay muzafaat say, seem left out of the race! Keeping it real, making us PROUD :D -pun intended-

Friday, October 5, 2012

Fruit aur Falsafa



Dear readers, its been a long time. Real long time.
Well to justify I would say this… it was my testing of the year.
Usually I tend to have a different style of explaining things, but this time I shall share an inspiring story(specially in the current phase of examination). A very different way of how other living being make lemonade out of the lemons they get!
I came to know of a specter that nature holds. The instinct that the Lord has instilled the living cells. To grow and survive.
As many of the inhabitants of the city of saints must know, mangoes don’t grow overnight. Even if you buy a new born orchard, still it would take 5 to 7 years to make something for itself.
But here is a story that metaphorically tells us more about the world than anything.
Narrated in the words of a wise and content man…
‘you know sir, when a man is ill, he knows if hes going to recover or hes going to die. He can weigh his resolve and passion for life in balance. If the external forces to fight against, and the illness within hallows you up. You know its time!’
‘but yesterday I saw it in a mango plant. It was merely of the height of your knee. While being deprived off from water and fertilizer, the plant was weak. And from where I saw, the plant knew it was dying.
Though, there was something unusual. I was holding a mango!
A tree trice its size wont hold a mango, sir. But it did. Do you know why?
Well here is the thing. When the plant knew that its growth is not possible anymore in the given resource, it came under stress. The only thing that was left for it was…. survival. The will that the lord has us all have. That last and the only fruit of that plant was its only try for the survival of its race!’
And that, my friends, is the ultimate raw fruit of falsafa(philosophy).

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Marriage aur Media


BAOOOOWWWWWWWWWW! Its time for the princesses and princes to get married…. AAAAAOOOWWWWW!
Marriage issues in the city of saints! The town of historic clans! The region of tradition! Oh boy! Its scrutiny time…
Unlike in develop world, we here in –lord knows well- land of landlords.. go with a different approach… bride and groom are like the last thing on the table.. first the current house-in-hold NAB(nosy assessment batch) checks the other party’s ‘social’ balance… then the size of ‘growth’ on grounds which one ‘owns’ responsibly…
The second use to come first ….  Long time ago! But still it counts… the name is … BRADARI! Nowadays there may be lot of baggage on the shoulders of bradari-bros to let the ties.. prevail… thou shall.. if you don’t share the clan… dude… it better be legit!!!  ;)
Third and the most touchy point… BELIEF! Like seriously… a country where it’s a norm with consensus of public… ‘iss qoum ka koi deen imaan nahi hai’ even then… the in-laws have to be from same house of LORD as they(NAB) are! Or else they(NAB) are damn for life in their own clan … but be sure the clan eats the walima first… chicken improves rant and abuse capacity! And a mess is the metaphorical perfection
Now in all this … the reason of all the crap fest… the couple… they are insignificants none care! Now the future of the nation.. and set priorities in a nutshell… whose opportunity and who avails… the means become the irony and aims…. But even think about them… they are lost somewhere far far away… from the land of ethics or religion.. HOLY MATRIMONY! :P
Now talking of the ethics….. ahem!                                
In terms of the stuff that going on the media.. and the courts of courts… times are coming when you would look are the person standing next to you and ask humbly.. yar aap shareef tou nahi hou.. (not to question sharaafat or the popular centre right politician) still the same thing ji!
The catharsis of nation is somewhat jeopardized by dark times of desperate media. The media first makes a hero, superficially, then destroys every bit of the character on the first possible turn of regretful event. The person is screwed and you are dumbstruck. Lesson learned… even for once you can not trust anyone. And by the end of the roller coaster ride, you realize that everything that comes on media is bullsh*t!
Judicial activism or political attention leading to political action… are being nothing but counter productive. One day the nation gets defamed for killing of four wedding dancers and the next they are resurrected after judicial notice and political action, but none out there to reinstate the retro. And absurdity is limitless… who knows after the actively forced celebration of environment day in Punjab the chief minister might be just distributing eco friendly hundred thousand laptops this fall… ones which are better disposed!
and here I sit… its oblivion …. Wondering about how in the world.. logic lose its track in English premier league and a team get to wash out its hope of leading the league to win… to one billion quid! :(
ps. i wish luck to all the sheda(s) applying for shadi with sheela(s)

Friday, April 20, 2012

Project aur perkachay

The following blog post is to serve for the better understanding of society while the blogger holds no responsibility
I am the student studying medicine. A naked health hazard! You value me for saving your life tomorrow, I rather pray you don’t become me sorrow. The best chance that you stay alive is if I switch fields or opt for a different career.
It all happened in the saint city, back in the sanity days. The unforgiving hot breezes in place of great character and fantasy land smacked me with a career in medicine. With delightful expression on parents faces and empty head in full of life soul, everything seemed perfect. With a remarkable shift from a private school to a state university…. Nothing could have been better than this!!
I embarked on the journey of ending a lifetime : ( … “project kawara” aka bachelors.
It started with the summers of saintly city. Not a good time to start anything. In a place where teacher initially seem ruder and seniors more kill-some! The frighten face of my batch seem least sorry for themselves then I was. We were good enough to throw a class mate on moon but could not get enough response from a girl in our class. Driven not by an artificial freedom from homeland these soon to turn “khawateen” were moved by the passion of saving their face and character!
Now 4 years onward they still loathe half of the paindu guys in class and themselves celebrate their paindu-ness by bunking extracurricular activity days to have a boring trip to abode. While the male paindooss roam around in the department in search of sighting some sasti be-eaou-Tes! And try to screw with each others mind while having respect for absolutely no one. As much of the enjoyable routine and local paindo thinks of it to be but still … shit every paindu says… “yar number nahi atay”. This leads to the TC “ON” teacher don(down)!! Spending hours with teachers back biting rival fellows and toeing the line with the given professor against his or her own nemesis. Quite a disgustful routine in itself.
The only problem is that there is no room for progress in this lackluster situation. Most of all with the degree term soon to end, things seem bleak on with the hindsight! And the future seems not so bright. BUT PROJECT KAWARA!!! Oh boy!! Its on the all time high!!! With anonymous people first accepting my add on facebook then blocking me, much criticized presentations and angry class representatives… this moment is second to no epicness!!
In tatters are the aspirations of this proposition of making the true medicine one! Alas, is your life any much less endangered… your safety and security lied in the unabridged version of project kawarapar ab tou perkachay urr gaye hai bahi… baat tou samaj gaye hogay aap ;D duwa karay :D

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Goals aur Gamay

this is the untold story of the lost arch of the season. Rather it is the scene that should have had not happened in the changing room of old trafford stadium.
Fergie: how many of you have had experienced being in love. (everyone stared) seriously@ didnt anyone of you got it from the bitch (there was a look of approval on every face)
see there is this girl that you so want to have in your life and you so are fond of her that you spoiled brats even respect her for the matter that you go on to commit.
now you are the one of the most handsome prolific stud brigade in manchester, arent you lads!!! the girls keep coming on to you with that game you have, right lads! (smirks all over)
but many of you have got girlfriends even married(looking at wayne rooney) but for some reason its not enough!
but you have got to keep the woman of the house protected at the same time.
heres the story lads... those two goal posts you see at each end of the ground are like women.
you have to take care of them. one that is at home.... the bros on defense help eachother to keep out the jerks off the lady.
while with your wing men you go out there on the other end towards the striking beauty to score some goals. (giggs giggles) cuz that helps you build confidence over your swagger.
now thats what you are going to do when you lads go out there. keep safe your goal from the street junkies and have fun scoring goals at the free end of the pitch (chantings)

well this pep talk was of no use as the opposition went off to scoring 6 times and were the very own city junkies of manchester!
p.s. point to be noted... never ever imagine your goal post as chicks or women because they come and go... so better be like a gamay pehialwan to safe goals in dabangg istaiyl!!  and score!  instead of acting like, some insecure bunch of lads!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Subway aur Sallay

the driver kept pressing the horn. for a while i thought about giving way then contradicted itself. as i was about to recognize the face of the driver from side mirror, when moved the car sideways. this time around retried to overtake. as i myself were about 5 meters from the next vehicle, his ridiculity just seemed absurd to me. in a split second his car was parallel to mine. WHAM!! while trying to shift it in haste he bumped his car into mine!
while i was in a mild shock of what just went on. the guy parked his car and got out of it. the tazmanian devil in me got ready as well. suddenly i made of his identity. and the devil went down the drain. while the guy just threw a few rants and checked out that his car was unharmed, he went back in the car and drove off.
i for the next 20 minutes went on the subconscious highway. i remembered that guy from my form 3 days when he was known to be a thug in our circuit. fights in the name of chicks who wont even have a clue on who did it for whom. someone whose intellect was not possibly of highest level. yea, 7 or so years after, he was still in that same old game. a thought that haunts. inspiration none the less, if i dont put my shit right i be ending up as him. WOW!! and ofcourse as the moment and the attitude suggest he was still going for his date(still!!!) or for hanging out with some uni friends (awww!! thats so cute :P)
recently that sharif guy came over and distributed some 6000 laptops. but where there is smoke there must have been fire. never believed that he do any good. and yet again he proved me right. the laptops were set up on a ridiculous operating system which needed some techs work to be of any proper use to start with. what were you even thinking... and its a shame how the lot is still desperate to get their hands on it.
but i suppose those laptops would still be better than pizza hut's meat lover!! DAYUMM! that thing just made me hate beef once and for all. but subway to the rescue people!! that steak and cheese sandwich IS LUV!! seriously restored my confidence that beef tastes as good with cheese and for real!! :P
Anyway its gonna be valentines day tomorrow!! remember we are all animals at heart and chauvinism comes naturally. and dont forget the jealous deprived lot and ofcourse these sallay who would always be the same...

Friday, February 3, 2012

Switches aur sharif

Room 401
“you told me that the darn a-hole thought he did pol science from oxford”
‘yea i did’
‘why the crap does he still think theres no political spectrum, in this country then’
‘well is it not quite obvious that he want something all along. He acted like an ignorant and at the end of the day he has picked the people from all walks of political parties’
‘Damnit- why does he think he can get away with everything’
‘because he went away with that Melbourne final!!’
Oval Room White House 3:13am
‘why do the protesters have to act like hippies yet again”
‘i told you , you have given them a lot of freedom’
‘they will have a lot to think about… they are facing the political gimmick… these piracy loving fast food eating junkies are going to get what they ask for’
‘and what are you planning to do’
‘there is a place i am going to sensitize which they are not going to be even aware of’
‘what is that’
‘SOPA - PIPA –PIPA –SOPA’
Now…
‘what did i told you they are more to themselves… and the best thing is the cameras aint interested about wallstreet anymore’
That’s all that.we all have had our highs and lows. The time tells a lot to that’s still to be learned . we have to think before work. Staying here in this city of saints have a certain way of its people. I previously met a long time familiar lass… asked her a certain view … what!! Got to see was massive attitude. At the end of the day i was in equally massive shock.
A girl whos british educated, girl power acquainted, with decent exposure to music and literature …well off and not to mention the branded clothes!! but still has some certain way of emergent festering insecurity and most of all the way to think. Quite much like the ‘multani desi girl’ Neither a catch nor commodity, but still respect. GO WOMAN!!
Last month i was on the way to a posh area of the city. Driving in my posh style. Came to a halt on a traffic signal… the green light glowed ( go Pakistan!!) .. went on with second gear.. (oh!! Crap!! Arsenal :@) red it was… me in the mid of the cross.. traffic warden staring at me.. spontaneously went with the flow took the first turn back. Thought i would get away this time along. Shit! The grey man waved the hand.
‘need a ride babes!’
ticket it was :(
And NBP was also little close :)
Now heres a story i do love narrating.
Once upon a time there was University in which there was a very powerful admin officer who had a wife! There was a problem in his home…. with this wife to be correct. The loadshedding was scheduled for 8-9 in evening the time when humsuffer gets aired (i suppose!! Maybe) anyways most serials do… the wife wanted to watch these serials and scolded her husband.. husband scolded WAPDA… the schedule changed to 7-8… everyone there onward lived happily ever after again.
But our life is sad… with this sad face i went down to kuchery… went pass the NBP.. to traffic police office. In between came the GC civil lines gate. It opened… and along came the shouts of yet another protest.. as per usual to speak of in view of civil lines culture …as the uniform of my university and civil lines are the same… looked at the officers standing in crossed arms.. ‘here come the lone dear in loins den’… i with the look ‘dude! Please i aint one of them’
This week was epic.. watched the England-Pakistan 2nd test match… the peak of English arrogance and desi londapun up against each other. Just when the side screen shows KP’s dismissal… the camera follows the man himself verbally showing aggression from dressing room…’what the fu*k.. bullshit!’ ahem… ahem… there goes the pride of the top flight batsman of world’s No. 1 test team.
I am a peace loving guy. And i wish to obey the law but you see in multan there are mostly lawyers or traffic wardens dealing with it!! as i see… and not much of civil society. Now in my view as multan is becoming PUL-Tan and developing at a decent pace… many things can improve for the better if we put up the strong civil society. Heres what i purpose take an 80s old foxy in worst physical condition… and they (wardens) have all the reason to ticket you… in the end place the icing over the cake and put up the MNA green on it. Drive it without license and car registry.. take the media with you… and check in at the nearest warden. Get a photoshoot… and let them know you are with them… jail awaits you!!
Now anyone who is in university knows that you are bound to uphold your image in front of your professor or either you are going to get targeted lecture or get hurt on GPA.
But sometimes this academic moral police gets out of hand with its overconfidence and their perception betrays them in the process.
Recently a retired arm serviceman caught a girl and a boy eating meal near woods in university far in northern Pakistan :P As per usual gave them a treat of harsh words and local rants, while the duo kept reassuring that they were siblings. He persisted on his course of action. The guy called his father. Next scene. father comes and hands out his card to ex-serviceman, who rips it apart. Then the daddy reintroduces himself as the current general of intel with a good old slap on the face of moral brigade. I wish maha khan too would have met some daddy like this when she went on a rampage of invading the poor’s privacy in local parks.
Why this kolaveri di?
Now as the valentine day is coming close … single people are feeling bad.. as most are men… well here is the thing. I have a view these desi women they are not easy going they are not having any interest going along that well. Why waste your efforts on them, that’s only going to be ineffective. This is not right that should work in right direction. Western women have more dept in their attitude and easier to go along with. Here you would have to deal with more hypocrisy, yours and theirs. Humara kia hai hum tou ernest hemingway say inspired hai.
Now lets talk a little about these recently married uncles. I wonder why they keep advising our parents. ‘bechay ki shadi karday’ for some reason it brings a smirk on my face.. ‘dekho ketna khush ho raha hai’ while in heart he feels..’bechay tumhe kia pata phir kia halat hoti hai… the face expressions tell it all… while my cordial reply is… ‘uncle ji! Aap ko dekh kay pata chal raha hai.. isleye tou hansi nilkli hai!’ :P
But to talk of imran khan and his political morals. I see a chronic problem. The divide of liberals and radicals . right in my face ‘defahe-pakistan-conference’ banners everywhere in city of saints. We need a break. It was not suppose to be like this.. how are we going to get out of this… because if the distinction of such sort grows, the repercussion can be no less then bloody themselves. You are either with them or against them. Its seems to be important that we know our role in building this society with a balance in our views. Its not new that sectarianism has been quite a lot damaging to our nation but this thing is a grave matter. Don’t forget that the country itself was made on the basis of political reason but if confused with religion it can as its being done then heres some dark age that might need dealing with.
In the end i will try sketching the recent heart wrecking event in Punjab Cardiology lahore… but here is a sketch… these people who are striving for the basic necessities of life… they are given a relief in the name of free medicines by these commission eating political high up industrialists who go by the name of ‘sharifs’
‘yes come here .. take it from us you helpless… poison… the cheapest you can get!’
But poor aside you cant even rescue shahbaz taseer.. shahbaz ‘sharif’… sad indeed
I solemnly swear i don’t want your laptop… go paint it with lead… what can we expect…
So they are the pretty much the switched subjects for this month’s blog… and a piece of my mind for sharifs..
p.s. i know the way the plot is made. Well this is a part of experimentation… language as simple as it can get… i hope that the reader may like the switches in the plot.. and feels that the flow is formidable… political differences come under speech freedom!!

Friday, January 13, 2012

NEW YEAR!! aur narray

With the decreasing social circle, and the all time low number of people worth talking to… it is final that a youth has got lost. May be i need to get a job??? wait first i need to finish my degree…. then i need to get a girl friend…. wait!! its too late now… got to settle for a pre nup… something along the lines don’t make me shot myself by the end of the year!!

i definitely was a very intelligent guy before i got into alevels and out of doubt … big fish!! before i got in to university… and for sure sane at the moment before i step into REAL LIFE!! i m totally feeling like retreating back to indulge and start on the infamous glassy hookah :P and reflect on the cheapness of the place and the moment.

since my last trip to lahore it seems as though multan is blessed with one thing least… and that for eternity… BOREDOM. when theres nothing to do you can always turn on the tele and entertain thyself with the craziest and mind boggling info-freakin-out-tainment… for instance some brigadier of triple 1 brigade got promoted and the entire media circle was hell bent on getting a marshal law. and made me wish that humsafar aka ‘hum-suffer’ was being telecast on every channel for once… in these damned times… for there is one thing that can take charge of thepower of telegasm… and that is wives and daughters watching fawad khan in a screwed up plot.

a friend of mine came from jungle back to this saintly town.. reminded me of old school days memories.. one of which was this line…"Pass the ball bro.""PASS THE DAMN BALL YOU FU*KER." "GOGOGOGOGOGOOOOOOAAALL!!" good ol’ football days. now we are just commentators trying to shit each other over champions league and el classico.

at times i do wonder where the self prophesized arrogance and attitude drain down at… how did this youth which was not even concerned with who their prime minister was… came to the point to rage out a revolution in the view of their newly untested political maturity(sarcasm intented)…. airay bhaiya.. yeh kal kay londay jo larkion par linenay martay thay aaj hum say iqtedaar chienay kay narray lagaye gaye… kya baat kartay hai app , kya baat kartay hai (shahbaz sharif istyle :P)

But there or here… new year ’12 … one resolution… plz!! less WTF situations :(

Heart wreck aur Bardast!

Today while I sit in front of my laptop, I don’t think of the stress related to work, jeopardies of studies or pending tasks back at hom...