Thursday, December 31, 2015

Bewitched aur Baraat!



Part 1 – Aaj ka main headline feature -
Love that gets fulfilled should be like magical. How would one define magic?! Well, it is something after which you don’t need to post facebook status, check-ins, how you feeling, random frequent mobile uploads of romanticized stills, selfies… most of all, the need to have an attentive response from peers giving you a subconscious certificate on your self-actualization.
Is this love and all?  Is this the magic you wish to create or will you let it happen by itself?! Thing is, in other words, love should be able to get your head out of facebook and deliver what you have been trying to zabardasti drain out of facebook.
Love should not be phupo ji ka argument that has to be proven wrong. You don’t have to raise the same hell forsaken argument with a higher pitch to your phupo, the poor lady is going to bring up a new one every now and then. So if you start chasing each one of them, you are going to miss on the presence of moment with your family.
Same is whats with love and social media. We are not celebrities, who survive and thrive on these sort of behavior, we do it at the expense of our real life experience of the moment. One does not have to give in to the urge of inducing the same aw factor on to the social media, which one had earlier experienced last year, this time along. So, today that ‘I am ‘just’ married’, will tomorrow be ‘our new baby ‘just’ out of operation theatre’, to ‘our pet cat ‘just’ died’ ending with having an accident ‘just’ taking a selfie on the dream road!
In this last week of December, I have attended quite many weddings already. None were mine or those of any of my bros. They probably are occupied with worries about survival of their swag, possibility of ever finding true love, ‘janu I luv u’ talk on cellphones, or ‘yar bhook lagi hai, bhar chalay’.
There are so MANY weddings going on this season, that at times I wonder about these frequent page updating administrators, yar aap ko kisi nay shadi pey nahi bolaya. I have not seen such a traffic block at 8-10 pm every day on consistent basis… anth barat mahool banaya wa hota hai! There tends to be a perfect trilogy of pattern, the rise of baraat, the baraat in action, and baraat returns.
After attending all these wedding invitations, there are many uninvited engagement ceremonies I have realized I was ignored at. I being a charra(bechalor + single + male Pakistani + age in 20s/30s) feel offended when I unfortunately meet these guilty parties, it is as if I am plagued and should feel inferior to them, I feel offended when they mention being engaged in such precautious manner as if I have a jinx and will bewitch them. Well it is not me, its them! Who put a curse on my joy of life. Live and let live, morons!! GET A LIFE! – kuch zaida tou nahi hogaya, sorry yar bahi ghussa kar gaya tha
Part 2 – Aur baki news-
There is one other epic trilogy that came around this winter,’ STAR WARS- Sitaro ki jang’, ironically when I was watching this first installment, in theatre, another of the year’s earthquake rocked the city. All I felt like was a presence of brat, sitting behind me who could be having leg fits. Though while the intergalactic battle was on the screen, probably my sitaray were in right position(pun intended) and I came out alive.
Remember that we are no giving enough rights to balouchis, this time we crossed all limits, by depriving them of Nargis Fakhri! Yes, the red hot scintillating cover that featured on the front page of each newspaper, failed to rise in Quetta. To this hammering of equal opportunities birthright ignored, some real reconciliation might need to be carried. Viola! We just had a Ufone rebuttal version, looks like the balouchi revenge!
In the other news, city of saints, previously bent on suppressing its female population, recently killed Tutti Frutti.
P.s. All Pakistan Mufta Uranaywalay, Fukray and Taaro Association(MUFTA) message to all members: Yeh anth baraat mahool aap sab ko mubarik ho. Baraati honay say pehlay apnay bhaiyo ko yaad rakhay.. Apnay iss keemti waqt mein mil kay mufta lagaye aur bachiya tarray!
P.p.s. In 2015, I learned to dance on tunes of pumpy songs, so, 2016 might get someone to replace them.



Saturday, December 12, 2015

Science aur Devdas!


So readers, I have moved to the Capital. Not sure about the reality but I for sure feel like a vagabond. The fun part here, is the deserted roads after 9 pm. Unlike Lahore, this place lets me drive at peace(to some extent). Par lahor di 'ronak' da koi mutabala nahi haiga. There are quality places to hangout but not as many as one finds only in and around MM Alam road. Thus, Capital has nothing on Lahore. And one thing more! One has not made Lahore as insecure as an Isloo mall got from pindi boys, as to put up a 'launda tax' to curb their rising spirits! 300 rupees as of, on this date, for any hell-forsaken lad who is not accompanied by other then another of his kind. So whether you authentically went to buy yourself a dress shirt or a fantasy blazer, and fail to find any, of your choice, and happen to be considered as a charra, viola! your non-refundable token, bought at entry, goes down the drain.
When I came out of college, I wanted to be rich, famous and have a hot fan! so it went down basically to find a career or job, which gives access to all that. Soon as I did my degree, which was not much of my decision, the story kind of took a slight turn. Now, I wanted to have enough money to hangout twice a week, have people suffer with my blog posts and get a bunch of articles published in scientific journals! kuin kay degree kafi na thi, aur abi sufar aur bhi tha. So, even if a decision is not yours at start, its kind of a perk to give it an angle at the end. Thus, I read scientific research and think of John Nash. If I didn't end up with a beautiful fan, least I may settle with a beautiful mind.
Living alone and on my own, is not as bad. But, having your stagnant phase prolonged, is quite detrimental. As bad as, it can make one crazy frustrated and terribly traumatic. If in such case you get a call from your mom, the first thing she suspects is the blaah(her title for your ex) from the past, to be responsible for your erratic behaviour.. 'uss ki call tou nahi agayi tumhay'...and you be like 'nahi maa paper nahi publish ho raha'. 
How can a son tell his mother that he is way out of the probational devdas period! When, where ever one sees, is extended probations(Dev D -> friends and friends of friends). All because of KKHH, instilling the hope that it is never too late to believe in your tale of love and salvage, finding a happy ending, as in, you can get her right on her wedding ruksati as well. Aray bahi, even in that case where will you find a groom who will give up his bride after spending 10 to 20 lakh and wasting a week length of leave from office, just because the girl seem to be depressed and distracted. And more then that, when you have suffered from her eastern indecision extended your devdas probation, that groom makes the move on her behalf and hands her to you. Innit!! akhir kab tak aisay hi larkay devdas ban kar selfdestruct hotay rahay gaye.. parvati ko decisive hona chahiye.. sala devdas truck ki bati kay pehcahy laga rehta hai! 
Anyways,not matter what I am doing, fact is I need a Rockstar level of energy! and in a place like Capital which is tagged as 'asleep' town, the task to gather it all becomes even more important. Else, I get really down. Now, redbull, caffeine or nicotine,whatever, is handy for a sensitive pseudo-scientist.
P.s. science jahan tak bhi pouch jaye, iss miti mein say ranjhay, majno, mirza aur devdas har roz nikaltay rahay gaye... kiun kay logic ko yeha ka climate suit nahi karta! - Bertrand Chandio

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Youtube aur Yakeen!

Youtube.
OPEN!!??
Ji haan, sahibaan kardaar daan, premnagar fiqargar kay basiyo... YOUTUBE KHOL GAYI HAI!!!
So its true, the maturity is in the town, or is it one of those cases where you mistakenly pushed the red button last night and in the morning you realize that half of your lawn is submerge under water. But I got to know of this news by coincidence. My cousin shared news of a recent brawl at Sapphire in lahore on a seemingly black friday sale. Well I just searched it online, saw the youtube link. Clicked on a wimp and WOAW!! it opens! YOUTUBE IS BACK IN PAKISTAN!!! DAMN!!
Problem is not the most awaited website's acquittal from censorship, but this new culture of desperation and inconsideration in the land of pure. This was a elite clothing store that went on to a 70% black friday sale. Now, here the costumers are those who can afford 10k plus clothing, are well educated with top class schooling and expected to have levels of exposure. Alas, when the chips went down, the people lept for clothes like journos go for tea, or wedding attendees dive on walima qourma. A similar brawl was witness at Sapphire shop in the Capital too.
These are shops that sell exclusive designs and quality clothing with international operational procedures. Take token. Line up. Make your pick. Pay. But here madness has no end! impatience proves to be stronger than any first class education. Well unlike in west, there are no women lining up outside the store one night before the opening, here, when the sale is tipped off in the inner circles, they go for contacts and get their favourite pieces out before the store even opens!
Then there is another issue, the inconsiderateness. People now lack the courtesy of replying to messages, posts and calls. I mean its not that my crush did not replied last night to series of texts that i sent her, par baat ehsaas ki hoti hai na bahi! Now if a sworn nemesis of mine does not respond to a facebook post by me, thats perfectly understandable (although its still wrong, yar koi decency bhi hoti hai). But what I get from this  I-Send-You-A-Text and You-Think-You-Can-Respond-with-NOTHING! Fact is, people have got acquainted with the idea of getting rid of others by the 'No-Response' practice. Until you are 'confronted', where you must respond, you simply wont, especially when you can get away with it.
Now, this has some serious repercussion, where someone routinely observes behaviour of others ignoring them and develops acceptance towards being-someone-who-should-have-no-feelings. As a result, you too become indifferent and start treating others like that as well, and so, begins the domino effect. This probably might be one of the reasons why we have become a society with so less empathy in ourselves.
So friends, try being a little patient and please reply to my calls for reading the blog! -angel face-
p.s. yakeen tou nahi araha, pata nahi kal subha ban wala red button phir say press ho jaye.. akhir hum consistently inconsistent bhi tou hai na!

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Sacrifice aur Sufi!

Banda baygairat ho par jootha na ho. The worst thing about lie is that it is insulting. We in 2015, have been self aware about 95% of the lies that revolve around us, so, when someone comes to you and blatantly lie to your face.. DAMN!! Its excruciating. In 2015, we, with our egos close to our heart, hate to be insulted too! And there is no worst lie of its kind then the one in field of medicine. These type 1 errors are blunt negation of the principle of ‘Do no harm’. Bahi agar anti-TB drugs ki dose nahi ati, tou please galat tou na batao!
One thing about the capital is that people here are too obsessed with hitchhiking. On every turn of the road, you would find someone who would want a lift and most of them are law enforcing people…. I wonder when did this culture developed. Yara koi self respect hoti hai! Its not like you are stranded on a highway. Those people need a lift not you, in middle of city with all the intercity vans, taxis and public transport buses roaming around you. In comparison, the city of saints with its less developed situation, and economically lower GDP, I have not seen anyone asking for lift from Chungi No. 9 to rashidabad. But if bae asks for a ride… phir tou baat different hai!
And girls here, oh man! Seriously, when you get to know someone, they seem like quite good bloke but if she is single and you are not ready to mingle! Oh man! Then its about time she will get cold with you and blimey! She can get really cold with you, to such a level that the cold shoulder might freeze up and drop off as if its leprosy.
Now to our miser attitudes. The way that this once compassionate country that just freed itself from the shackles of tyranny, turned into a frustrated mistrusting society, consolidating its struggle with the label of ‘resilience’. I mean when did the option of being smart become a desperation to be shrewd and the goal of becoming selfish. Where is the ode of sufi to be selfless, that is held as the crown jewel for the philosophical enlightenment of subcontinent, where has the mistrust come from. We need to be compassionate, we need to share our happiness, be more positive.
Everyone of us has the ability to do something spectacular in life, that will make us the reflection of perfection. Nothing is impossible, what one man can do, so can another, though it would take some sacrifice. All in all, you need to know what you want to do. Bas apnay saat fraud na karo!
We all have contradictions in our lives, so do I and this blog too! -i case if you have noticed- Its only human to be like that. We will have to evolve, every now and then, to achieve our true potential. So, be true to yourself and make it the core principle of your life.
p.s. bahi khilari na bano, khel bano! game phir apni hai! 

Heart wreck aur Bardast!

Today while I sit in front of my laptop, I don’t think of the stress related to work, jeopardies of studies or pending tasks back at hom...