Heart wreck aur Bardast!

Today while I sit in front of my laptop, I don’t think of the stress related to work, jeopardies of studies or pending tasks back at home. The one element that strikes pain and fear, is that one feeling that probably once again you would be erased from someone’s memory like you never existed. Once again the one person you fell in love with, the one you felt was the one, who took care of you like no other, will forget you like you never existed. Once again one you loved for so long, will simple move on like nothing ever happened. And one thing you will be left with is hurt and a pack of smoke, to turn yourself to ashes and dust.

There is nothing glorious of a one sided love, its like you tail a car in fog till bardast karta reh aur dusrou ko paas karnay daye… you know it right then and there that they will never be part of your life and you will one day see them siding with someone else for all the ‘other’ reasons which they did not see in you. No matter how much they say it was not you or the life was cruel to them for not letting you be part of their life, you will still be alone and they will move on.

So inspite of how much pain it gives you, no matter how nice or intellect you were, you never were what your love wanted. You have a fortune of misfortune. No one will care of your loss, your family, friends or foes. It was a storm that brewed in you and has torn everything apart. Love when unfilled, stays with you longer and at times infinitely, hurts you.

So now while i sit in front of my laptop, I think of a reflex, a retrospect and a reminiscence of failure of hope, aspiration and a dream. There will be no salvation, never or even worse, ever!

So even what when you said so, ‘survive’ a heart wreck , its not like you become stronger or see within yourself a new you but instead, you see smaller scars on the original scars that were deep and much more painful at their original incursion. Its like you are getting hurt on maintenance level with a high potency fear that was initially loaded on the first heart wreck.

Or may be you are living as partly accessory of someone’s life, as their intrigue, in a world of your own imagination as love’s third world citizen. Where your disparity is your food. Where your misery is your clothes. Where your sorrow is your shelter. You are Gatsby that never made it to creating a fortune. There is no promised land of happiness for you.

On the end note, this is not eulogy but an ode, for alas, the gravestone shall not only have one’s name on it but the list of heart wrecks that raged havoc time to time. If only ones who left during the storm would ever visit and leave a mere flower for recognition of…