Pizza aur Pitai!

So folks, its the usually one of those days once again now. I am all alone in this big wild world, thinking about something authentic! well... what is it? Ladies and Gentlemen! brace yourself! the commercial investors of Pakistan are bringing for you, with its theme and spirit... the authentic new york style pizza, wohi purana ninja turtles wala!
Now here here! you would normally be accustom to go and dine in at the pizza hut 'restaurant', another foreign pizza chain, and eat the conventional pizza or even have seen film references of characters sitting in papa johns, i mean. But now this is not your any-other-day-pizza! how many times in sitcoms or films, have you seen people going out to eat pizza in NEW YORK!! These shows gave birth to the idea of pizza delivery guy! PIZZA IS MEANT TO BE DELIVERED AT YOUR PLACE IN ___ MINUTES, OR IT IS FREE!! REMEMBER!! par tum log apnay paoun par ki kulhari martay ho! come on!! these poor souls trying to sell you pizza, had no clue that you people wont realize that.. because of which many of these outlets who were just free delivery service or take away(in case you were too desperate to eat pizza), conveniently removed the free pizza clause but had to open up the dine-ins! thanks to desi touch! kiun kay baat tou hai ehsaas ki!
I, of recently, had a coincidence of visiting such a dine-in of one of these 21 inch pizza outlet in the capital. YEAH YEAH!! guilty as charged! Well folks, what do i see... karma! do you know one other thing about pizza... you eat it with your-bare-hands! for those of us who didnt, karma had forks and SPOONS for them! what torture!! try eating with that sehyano! for all those who find it hard to eat a pizza by hand, just look at this guy for-sake of a tutorial!

Some days ago we came to witness epicness on the tele. Yes, I mean the ALL-STAR series! takes you right to your childhood cricket with a touch of nostalgia. Walsh ki dullai, spin kay agay dearr, moin khan phir say leg pay out.. moment of zen.. alan bowls to pullock caught by kallis and ambrose ka hair style.. form is temporary class is parmenant till 10 years of your retirement!!! jonty ka sweep.. shoaib aaj bhi ponting say pitai kah raha hai! i wish they include inzi and yusaf in all star! -sign-
What makes a legend, the score, the fame or the pedigree? i presume by many standards, they all are legends! But measures should also be taken so that it does not end up as a format for geriatric cricket!
Anyways, in recent past I came across this fact the some of the breakfast outlets in posh areas of capital, tend to begin their day with a '10 am breakfast', which even the foreigners, who are their frequent customers, find it odd! bhai 10 bajay koun sa nashta hota hai!
p.s. zindagi gulzar ki dukaan nahi hai, yeh koi bohat hi ISO-non compliant edara hai!

Drunk aur Darweshh!

Islamabad, the city that sleeps like a baby, after killing a 100 cats, each who killed a 100 rats, but failed to go on the pilgrimage, those who did, sleep tight in parliamentary lounges. Cleaned, dried and wrapped in the laundry.
The night was the dawn of freedom for the devil. Although, Aleem sort of fell short of hydration on this night, he could be no less lethargic. Now if an idiot all-alone, eats up the entire cuisine of fried things, its not going to give him body water.
Raz came to pick Aleem, on his modified Yamaha heavy bike that his elder brother once bought from Torkham border for 1 lakh, at the start of American war in early 2000s. Now after one and half decade, it makes the sound of a silencer affected by a bad choice of desi ghee. A pang went through aleem’s spine, in effort to balance himself at the back and to not cross the line of bromance and romance.
Zara had Celebration on this night. She had got accepted at Bahria University, with three Es. And tonight, a gazillion of selfies will get uploaded on her ‘open access’ instagram, from Margalla avenue,15-A  street 1. She has invited the few who had managed to keep their judgment of her to themselves or by stroke of luck, fail to reach her as yet.
Amad was, as of recent, romantically involved with Zara. But in light of(which was shed by Amad’s parents), Zara’s ‘religious sect’, her taste for learning and her prospective ability to snatch their son away and make converts of their grandchildren, Amad was made to break up with her right before the CIE results came online. Was Amad responsible for it? Or were his parents? The thing was, its all in the hate speech.  You listen to your parents and elders, talking about the cult of vicious women, who manipulate, burn, black magic, incinerate your holy innocent ace, and take it all the way to ‘hell’, away from your parents, in the end, you think ‘hell! She is a witch’.
But once Amad gets out of the sphere of his family, upon inquisition this is how he recalls:
‘How does your life feels like? Once there was someone, who said that she loves reading my manuscripts. Once there was someone who said that I have got words to express my feelings, while she can not. Once there was someone who thought of me as someone who would really make her happy.
I mean, I don’t know what to feel. I don’t have that someone in my life anymore.  Life is strange.’
 And anyone in his right mind, will never take this shell-shock, on a fun hangout! He is a block! Fun-block!
Now, this party was practically an ode to survival, for Zara. She might have not invited Amad but further showed her inconsiderate attitude and i-am-above-him mindset by inviting Aleem and Raz, close but baygairat friends aka chuddy buddies of Amad, who also happen to be ‘very-good-friends’ of her. These poor souls manage to keep up with an unbearable Amad and zealous but denial-stuck Zara.
This is a capital’s October, when the summer flirts with the winter and ends up with autumn. The nights are cold and the days are hot, quite like a desert paradox. So, on a bike and in his nike trousers,Raz was feeling cold at the speed of 60 km/hr. The thought of finding any drinks from stash of Zara’s dad, was the only hope, as the famous’ Shandy Bass’ was off market shelves since 3 months.
Thing about the Margalla avenue is that it’s the best kept secret of party places in the capital. The only way to distinguish one is by finding a bunch of cars parked together. Zara’s house was in an adjacent lane, once you enter, there was a smell of lavender in the air, the place was dark due to presence of unrepaired street lamps, but compensated by presence of a guards sitting outside each house in front them, in a dead end street.  Five vehicles were parallel parked on the grassy patch next to the side walk. Raz turned his bike infront of black A4 audi, Mian Waheed’s car, their classmate whose dad is recently fighting the local election.
Dim neon bulbs had illuminated the car park, of house that was designed to look like a back porch and lawn from the entrance. Waheed in his white shalwar kameez and a black waist coat, was doing a great job reflecting his father. He was standing next to Shiza, Zara’s BFF, trying to explain how Islamabad is capital that has status of a province, inhabited by citizen’s who do not have the rights of living in a city! And how his dad is planning to end this disparity after winning the election. Shiza was more concerned with Waheed’s commitment to her than his father’s to the union councils.
Raz and Aleem, got greeted by the couple once they got noticed. They proceeded to the house, to find the rest settled in different corners with the element of their amusement, Raz had to find his. This was a place where one can finds black label and he liked what he saw. Kemistry lab ki flat bottom flask ki tarha dekhnay wali nay Kemistry ka A lagwa diya tha.  He was one who believed more in drowning the fear of failure then finding a way to increasing his heart rate blurring it with smoke. This bottle in the kitchen was next to two girls, Zara and Ayla, Zara’s neighbour and O-levels’ classmate who left school due to the fact that her parents believed that she has more chances of getting into medical school with Fsc.
Lamenting over her lack of recognizing a lost cause, the two were connecting with an anecdote cum love flick from bollywood and how Amad can still learn from it. They saw Raz enter the kitchen, overhearing their conversation.
‘Apparently 20 year old lads want to know the girl’s name, 25 year old guys want to know who is her dad and 30 year old men want to know the mother in law… and the 45 year old uncles…. Well they just want attention!’, Raz tried to say in his pre-drunk-wise-man style, sounding a bit arrogant, ‘ Don’t be too surprised with what men choose to do.’
He grabbed a glass and had some poured into it by Ayla. They moved off to TV lounge, a much more fascinating side, with leather sofas and LCD running the popular G channel, as somebody wanted to know about the development of byelection, which was most probably Waheed. The next thing they do is start taking shots of a foreign vodka. With half hour of camera work and no order made  for food, the bunch seem as CID team at a crime scene. Apparent no selfies were to be made tonight from 15-A. No one cared to come either. Half of the class was out of the capital to LUMS, GIKI or IBA, or the rest waiting to fly off to America or England, unlike Raz, none on this list were bothered to get drunk. Those who could come, were out of Zara’s list for gossiping on her recent breakup.
Aleem felt like a darwessh, he could see Zara’s mature aura. To him she has grown up. She looked up and smile at him. In that moment, he realized why he had fallen for her long ago. Left at home by his retired general of a father, who also left his wife long ago and found solace in becoming a muslin evangelist. Now Aleem was left with nothing else but follow his father’s footsteps, getting into EME college. Whereas, he did not believe in love nor wish to get involve in such manner. His unshaven face had nothing to do with religion. Aleem has grown up too.
This, party of the lost generation came to an end on fine twilight. Some rode, some drove, back to the land of the frustrated… the university.
p.s. as an old line from a friend's debate goes by… rul tey gaye ah, par chas bari ayi ah!

Mediocrity aur Mangni!

To start with, I will go ahead with a sarcastic joke: 

A 9 year old son asks his father, ‘baba, what is mangni?’, the father replies,’son, it is the desi wedding proposal, where the results are already fixed by the umpires’. -nahi ayi hansi... ani bhi nahi chahiye, zara sochiye!-

Living amongst the two very similar rivals with iti-kuttay-da-wair, I wont mind spending more than half of your budget on defense. The point is, the money that is allocated for health or education, should be based on a proper vision and clarity, with inference of successful outcome. Last but not the least, none of the money should go to waste, thus, a transparency shall be implemented.

Humbleness is key to a mediocre life.

The fact the more you are grateful about things, the better it is. The reason behind is simple, in this frustrated and deprived country that is also over-populated, the thing is you have one item and 100 applicants, so the insecurity is obvious! Kabhi valima peh mehmaano ko khanay pey totay dekha hai??!! Some similar sort of insecurity runs illogically and unstoppable among the veins of our country men. As a result we forget what we have been given and end up with list of things we have lost.

Why mediocrity? The fact is, its good to be mediocre, if it makes you happy, once you are happy and content, then you are no more mediocre, it’s a bad version of catch-22. And the point of being over populated, well, imagine if we were among only the 1/5 of the population, what then?! Chota kumba, khushal gharana!

I mean think about it! That day when you are driving in a dense traffic and all of a sudden ninety percent of the traffic just vanishes… WOOSH!! Just like that! And the cars ahead of you are gone, and the road is absolutely clear. How awesome is that! My friends.. just imagine. Just sit back on your chair, and take a deep gentle breath … and imagine! hmmmmmmm....

But peace is not exciting, stress is!

Sitting on the driving set of a fast moving train in a densely populated area is challenging, but if you start to get over that fear, start to enjoy the edge. Its your passport visa to growing as a person. You have got to break a few eggs to make an omelet. And in this case, the eggs better be your neighbours', if its your first time.

So, fixed matches, good governance, mediocrity, lowering population and tale of beaten eggs… we come to this country’s hot topic, khanay mein kiya hai?! Kutta karahi, khota kabab, pajjay dey pehray paye…. a food dilemma for the nation. I mean what can you do. How have we come to be so liberal at our food selection. As if the bull's reproductive cells were not enough for energy drinks and porcine derivatives for making potato chips! This is a constipated dilemma.

As a nation we are good with humour, least lahoris are! Its like our last smoke… and thus, into the fray my friends…

p.s.  barya cigarette petay hi har shaakhs ko maaf karnay to ji karta hai. Khawa, wo rishtaidaar hi kiun na ho! – Mushtaq Ahmad Yousufi

Hangover aur Hansna!

Apparently the writer has caught fire, is on fire or is getting fired… But its real, this is history… two blog posts in a row, in one day… the-vele-hangover-write amigos!!!

Nowadays we don’t believe in ourselves, as much as we believe in love. Getting the soulmate through this belief is far more clear to us than the job status in next 5 years. I mean, this is how filmi we have become. And it gets difficult to cure yourself once you are in mist of people suffering from schizophrenia too.

Well the state in am right now is a little logical. The daily routine is getting up before rush hour, reaching my workplace, performing the duty, getting back home, dealing with the chorus at home and falling asleep. I mean the life has come to an all time clumber-wumper, that when I had to call an old chuddy-buddy, and I could not find his number in my cell phone. The odd moment when you forget that you actually saved your buddy’s contact over his nickname. –face palm- -high five to self-

Life is crazy – or I have gone hazy!

There are times, one is pinched by self-actualization. When one feels like doing something that will define oneself. Boost their power, bank account or number of admirers!! You know… getting to do something by thinking out of the box, something not so mainstream, something different! But most of the time this ‘something’ needs ‘sum of money’ and a thing between your ears. Thus, one is left stranded. The sum was spent last night and number of other nights on partying and the thing between the ears has been fried-up by the ‘mist of people’ you are in.

 But don’t worry my dear believer, you will find numerous shrewd people living that in this metropolitan city, without any real ambition to make real difference. They just focus on the greenback! Sadly they are right… once one is hostage to this crowd, Stockholm syndrome does not take long to sink in, thus, many have fallen before you! Money is sweet, notoriously tastes and smells like victory.

So now, do in Rome want Romans do! As Descartes maxim say, which he wrote in Discourse on Method, for practical life till the finding of truth! Though he basically considered the first three as major but the fourth nontheless was included inspite of his doubts.....
1. Respect, in real means, for the societal norms as well as adherence to the practices of the sensible, for the course of your actions.. in other words, gel in.
2. Pursuit yet even on the most doubtful paths when adopted.. aik dafa commitment karlo to apnay aap ki bhi na suno
3. Try to master oneself rather than fortune, and change one's own desires rather than the order of the world…. Kabil bano.. paisa jhaak maar kay peechay aaye ga…
4. Review the various professions and chose the best…. Sir jee! Aye riski hai!

You know what, you can always grow old, let the time pass by, an maybe nothing will change, but remember… be cool! Look at Jack Nicholson, he is still awesome!! I mean, just google him and look at him!!

P.s. hansna mat bhoolo … hans kay geo, mazay mein geo, geo ki hidayat ki dua maag kay geo!!

Vapourizing aur Vele!

I am having a feeling, for procrastination and desk-hinged-legs-laziness. I basically have driven the genuine ability to concentrate, out of my account. Thus, there is massive space for the love of ‘creative output’. But as long as I weld my strong self to such trivialities, I would only be dancing with my own good-for-nothing ex-MNA recital over a current political dilemma. And that my friends, is the ‘too much thinking and doing nothing’.
You know that life is fun when you are in medicine field. Endless shifts, constant pressure, force of karma lingering over your head, effort to benefit ratio being next to clean street and messed up sweeper, the frequent trashing from your supervisors and constant piling up of others workload on your shoulders. One can ask for nothing better. The cherry on top, no one says ‘thanks’ like forever and not even a single ounce of appreciation! Because those awesome things that I mentioned are part of my job!
Being almost half way down the road, you feel the wonderment of where the road is going. When I look at new born, the one thought that comes to my mind is, ‘how innocent, how pure, how free!’. There are endless prospects for newborns, for I, all grown up, the energy vapourizing every moment, more confused and insecure, like a boyfriend of a girl, who is totally in love and mothering, a cat! So its sad.
But I am single, and by default, like any other guy from Pakistan, desperate to get attention and hitched! And the only friends that I know or to be close to people, actually are the ones I have got properly in mud with, thoroughly dirty and ended up with two happy parties. Ironically most of them are from kindergarten and I hate my communication skills! DAMN!! My life is stuck… with my kind of dogs! Probably sometime at the end, I would be sitting with same pack, dirtier than ever! And certainly happier… which I wish would be due to having freedom from our wives, actually to hangout together.
AAAAHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! –howling dogs-
My attention span being of size of a politician’s ability to speak truth, has led me to be a blogger instead of a novelist. And my bad choice of metaphors has made me a sucker at it! So I am insincerely apologetic.  Since, I am leaving you high and drying… figuring out this post! I do appreciate your concern… KUDOS TO YOU!! adios amigo!!
p.s. here is a improvised line from a chick flick.. asi vele, sab vele, aah velaa ho ja ray!! Jeray aapay vele, oh vi sano vele kehday!!

Decade aur dunya

this is not any other day. its the end of 27 years of my life. and i dont really feel like celebrating it at an elite hangout place with a gorgeous looking girl, who could easy stimulate infatuation in ones blood pumper. today i am going to write what i have got from spending blood, sweat and pain, in those years opportunity, struggle and betrayal.
i believe that money is not important until its unavailability becomes a hurdle, love is not important if you learn to be objective and power is no use if one holds no knowledge to handle it. religion serves to ones own convenience and superstitions are simply your aunt's business.
i have been in atleast one near-death experience, did recognized the boredom quotient of my life. i have been dragged to limits of my emotional capacity and to the limits of my physical capacity. And there is no greater enemy of human being then one's own amine messengers.
the great tragedy in this part of the 3rd world is that parents are over-possessive, and government along with them does not believe on spending money on education of their children. for them its a waste. children, meanwhile are consumed in using anything but their brains and whine about their helplessness.  
much of this nation's collective behaviour is attributable to the rigorous decade post-millennium drenched in insecurity, lawlessness and economic turbulence, unfortunately, while surviving it we have become more harsh and less grateful. we badly need life. and it is highly unlikely we will have it.
to grow as a person, the person requires a longer attention span and hold on to 'nothing happens to me' mindset. believe me, nothing would make you better than you higher expectations shaken by your close-ones because getting kicked out of comfort zone is the real learning.
about black and white, and the shades of grey. truth is relative to circumstances, life is proportional to disbelief, and with all fundamentals clueless, theres unbelief and nihilism, then comes reality, whatever you may come to think of it...
if i say you can not be happy, you would not be surprised, thats nothing new. if i claim you 'can' be happy with your life, that my friend, is the news. my thoughts, precisely, what do you think, what grabs your attention. well whatever does, defines you! its that result of the test which can help you to know yourself. and in case you still think that i would tell the key to happiness... wait.. look around yourself.. you will see more poker-faces than happy ones... what does that tell you! Exactly!!
P.s. when fate hands us a lemon... lets try making some lemonade..
P.s.s. iss dunya mein insaan hee fitna aur farista hai, faraq sirf itna hai.. kay kis kay liye kiya hai...(in this world only human is the devil and the saviour, difference being, for whom one's who)

Humourlessness aur Himaat!

Writing is writing, you write and write. Least, is the amount of readership, that fades away like the people from the past. Par iss mein mera kaya kasoor hai! you know what, there was a time in my life when i was trying to be a, a slightly more, recognized writer. Par bhai ko koi publish hi nahi karta hai. I am like the guy who makes tea at the dhaaba and the crowds run off to coffee cafes... par ab dhaabay pay koun coffee piye ga, aur cafe kiun dhaabay walay say coffee banwaye gaye... its that simple.
I am not true liberal nor true conservative, least not at the current moment. Been there, and i have seen stuff! I am the guy you avoid listening to, when politics is discussed! I really sell coffee with pakoray.. its bad choice and i hold on to it! This is coming from someone who knows a little too much about addiction with mediocrity, although I have the utmost respect for people who make it big with there work. 
I am currently suffering from an acute case of humourlessness, so forgive me for the sugar-less coffee and spice-less pakoray.

We hate to feel threatened but we love thrillers. In pursuit of happiness, a soul has to collide with the harsh wave of obstacles in the way of our destiny. The handiest skill is to let go of the most loved elements of your life. If you survive still then maybe you are doing well.

Rattled by our fears on the constant basis is like facing the same dreaded fast bowler every time you go to open the innings. Now unless you learn to pull through and hit him for a few shots, you are not going to make it. You have to rise above the challenge, lose your fear… and show the f**ker, the door. That’s how we grow, that’s how we survive.

This world that we live in, the country whose citizen we are, the clans we are born in and the social circles we go by, they all have rules, strict laws .. orders that are not to be broken. But above all is the fact, you can do anything you like unless or until you get caught. This is the loophole, this is your risk factor. A chance you ‘need’ to take or you have to choose the life of a moral police.

So go out there and be risqué  ;)

P.s. aaj itni hi himaat thi likhanay ki… baraa hi koi risk liya hai... apna tou saans phool gaya hai.. –ironic life- -life is comedy of errors-

Bride aur baat!

Its about time that I realize that I am almost psychotic. Worse is the fact that I am In a position where the psychiatry consultants, inquire about the anti-psychotic cocktails that are on the menu. One shall not be in a position like this.

This season men buy lawn! With each piece you buy, an obligation is fulfilled, a token is paid, for every billboard that has not only view blocked the sky, but also our minds… with such beauty and class, no complaints… this summer, its going to be hot! –pun intended-

I love to write. But I am a bad writer. A writer who is not read often. 

But she waited! On that night she waited, the night … of her wedding.

Suddenly the ‘dilwalay dulhaniya’ stops … Hans Zimmers’s Jack Sparrow intoxicates the large speakers with its violins… He runs towards the bride, grabs her hand … and they take off from the scene… to happily ever after.. a life they wanted. A pirate’s life.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Driving bad on the road, and getting in brawl with national thugs, e.g., spoilt man-child of landlord or born with a silver spoon-in-mouth son of a real estate mogul.

We all need something to distract us. If none distraction is to avail, we can be so genius enough, that we just might get hold of some common sense. Lord knows what realms can a human-with-commonsense can oust.  

P.s. short post... seedhi baat, no bakwaas... ZaidAliT kay baad ehsaas howa kay mujhe bhi sponsorship chahiye!! till then, please donate me some readers, share the blog and its posts...